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Mrs. Caudle's Curtain Lectures
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Mrs. Caudle's Curtain Lectures
Douglas William Jerrold
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AUTHOR’S PREFACE
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INTRODUCTION
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LECTURE I - MR. CAUDLE HAS LENT FIVE POUNDS TO A FRIEND
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LECTURE II - MR. CAUDLE HAS BEEN AT A TAVERN WITH A FRIEND, AND IS “ENOUGH TO POISON A WOMAN” WITH TOBACCO-SMOKE
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LECTURE III - MR. CAUDLE JOINS A CLUB - “THE SKYLARKS.”
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LECTURE IV - MR. CAUDLE HAS BEEN CALLED FROM HIS BED TO BAIL MR. PRETTYMAN FROM THE WATCH-HOUSE
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LECTURE V - MR. CAUDLE HAS REMAINED DOWNSTAIRS TILL PAST ONE, WITH A FRIEND
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LECTURE VI - MR. CAUDLE HAS LENT AN ACQUAINTANCE THE FAMILY UMBRELLA
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LECTURE VII - MR. CAUDLE HAS VENTURED A REMONSTRANCE ON HIS DAY’S DINNER: COLD MUTTON, AND NO PUDDING. - MRS. CAUDLE DEFENDS THE COLD SHOULDER
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LECTURE VIII - CAUDLE HAS BEEN MADE A MASON - MRS. CAUDLE INDIGNANT AND CURIOUS
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LECTURE IX - MR. CAUDLE HAS BEEN TO GREENWICH FAIR
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LECTURE X - ON MR. CAUDLE’S SHIRT-BUTTONS
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LECTURE XI - MRS. CAUDLE SUGGESTS THAT HER DEAR MOTHER SHOULD “COME AND LIVE WITH THEM.”
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LECTURE XII - MR. CAUDLE HAVING COME HOME A LITTLE LATE, DECLARES THAT HENCEFORTH “HE WILL HAVE A KEY.”
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LECTURE XIII - MRS. CAUDLE HAS BEEN TO SEE HER DEAR MOTHER. - CAUDLE, ON THE “JOYFUL OCCASION,” HAS GIVEN A PARTY, AND ISSUED A CARD OF INVITATION
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LECTURE XIV - MRS. CAUDLE THINKS IT “HIGH TIME” THAT THE CHILDREN SHOULD HAVE SUMMER CLOTHING
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LECTURE XV - MR. CAUDLE HAS AGAIN STAYED OUT LATE. MRS. CAUDLE, AT FIRST INJURED AND VIOLENT, MELTS
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LECTURE XVI - BABY IS TO BE CHRISTENED; MRS. CAUDLE CANVASSES THE MERITS OF PROBABLE GODFATHERS
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LECTURE XVII - CAUDLE IN THE COURSE OF THE DAY HAS VENTURED TO QUESTION THE ECONOMY OF “WASHING AT HOME.”
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LECTURE XVIII - CAUDLE, WHILST WALKING WITH HIS WIFE, HAS BEEN BOWED TO BY A YOUNGER AND EVEN PRETTIER WOMAN THAN MRS. CAUDLE
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LECTURE XIX - MRS. CAUDLE THINKS “IT WOULD LOOK WELL TO KEEP THEIR WEDDING-DAY.”
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LECTURE XX - “BROTHER” CAUDLE HAS BEEN TO A MASONIC CHARITABLE DINNER. MRS. CAUDLE HAS HIDDEN THE “BROTHER’S” CHEQUE-BOOK
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LECTURE XXI - MR. CAUDLE HAS NOT ACTED “LIKE A HUSBAND” AT THE WEDDING DINNER
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LECTURE XXII - CAUDLE COMES HOME IN THE EVENING, AS MRS. CAUDLE HAS “JUST STEPPED OUT, SHOPPING.” ON HER RETURN, AT TEN, CAUDLE REMONSTRATES
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LECTURE XXIII - MRS. CAUDLE “WISHES TO KNOW IF THEY’RE GOING TO THE SEA-SIDE, OR NOT, THIS SUMMER - THAT’S ALL”
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LECTURE XXIV - MRS. CAUDLE DWELLS ON CAUDLE’S “CRUEL NEGLECT” OF HER ON BOARD THE “RED ROVER.” MRS. CAUDLE SO “ILL WITH THE SEA,” THAT THEY PUT UP AT THE DOLPHIN, HERNE BAY.
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LECTURE XXV - MRS. CAUDLE, WEARIED OF MARGATE, HAS “A GREAT DESIRE TO SEE FRANCE.”
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LECTURE XXVI - MRS. CAUDLE’S FIRST NIGHT IN FRANCE - “SHAMEFUL INDIFFERENCE” OF CAUDLE AT THE BOULOGNE CUSTOM HOUSE
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LECTURE XXVII - MRS. CAUDLE RETURNS TO HER NATIVE LAND. “UNMANLY CRUELTY” OF CAUDLE, WHO HAS REFUSED “TO SMUGGLE A FEW THINGS” FOR HER
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LECTURE XXVIII - MRS. CAUDLE HAS RETURNED HOME. THE HOUSE (OF COURSE) “NOT FIT TO BE SEEN.” MR. CAUDLE, IN SELF-DEFENCE, TAKES A BOOK
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LECTURE XXIX - MRS. CAUDLE THINKS “THE TIME HAS COME TO HAVE A COTTAGE OUT OF TOWN”
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LECTURE XXX - MRS. CAUDLE COMPLAINS OF THE “TURTLE DOVERY.” DISCOVERS BLACK-BEETLES. THINKS IT “NOTHING BUT RIGHT” THAT CAUDLE SHOULD SET UP A CHAISE
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LECTURE XXXI - MRS. CAUDLE COMPLAINS VERY BITTERLY THAT MR. CAUDLE HAS “BROKEN HER CONFIDENCE.”
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LECTURE XXXII - MRS. CAUDLE DISCOURSES OF MAIDS-OF-ALL-WORK AND MAIDS IN GENERAL. MR. CAUDLE’S “INFAMOUS BEHAVIOUR” TEN YEARS AGO
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LECTURE XXXIII - MRS. CAUDLE HAS DISCOVERED THAT CAUDLE IS A RAILWAY DIRECTOR
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LECTURE XXXIV - MRS. CAUDLE, SUSPECTING THAT MR. CAUDLE HAS MADE HIS WILL, IS “ONLY ANXIOUS, AS A WIFE,” TO KNOW ITS PROVISIONS
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LECTURE XXXV - MRS. CAUDLE “HAS BEEN TOLD” THAT CAUDLE HAS “TAKEN TO PLAY” AT BILLIARDS
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LECTURE THE LAST - MRS. CAUDLE HAS TAKEN COLD; THE TRAGEDY OF THIN SHOES
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POSTSCRIPT
Chapter 8 of 39
LECTURE VI - MR. CAUDLE HAS LENT AN ACQUAINTANCE THE FAMILY UMBRELLA
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